


hawks are the real lovebirds

by lesbianpatrick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Also ty and josh are betting on everything, Animal Transformation, Cliche af, Crack, Fluff, M/M, and cheesy af, basically Pete's a hawk ok, but enjoy, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 16:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6862111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianpatrick/pseuds/lesbianpatrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What the <em>fuck</em>." Patrick hisses, staring at the bird on his bed. How did it even get in here?</p><p>The bird gives him a look that's probably exactly what a glaring bird would look like. And then it <em>speaks.</em> "Well, good fucking morning to you too."</p><p>Patrick decides now is a pretty good time to start screaming again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hawks are the real lovebirds

**Author's Note:**

> W HY DO I DO THIS
> 
> idek anymore. I am no longer sane.
> 
> Enjoy whatever this is. 
> 
> (Remember I really like comments especially the ones telling me how weird I am I like those thanks)

Patrick wakes up to the odd feeling of something sitting on his chest. It feels like something similar to claws are pressing his stomach through the thin fabric of his shirt. 

He blinks his eyes open. There is a hawk sitting on his chest, staring at him. 

Patrick is too tired and in shock to really freak out until the hawk starts flapping angrily and nearly attacks his face. 

His screams and tumbles out of bed onto the hard floor of the bus. The hawk jumps off his stomach as he falls, and lands back on his bed, giving an extra flap of its wings.

"What the _fuck_." Patrick hisses, staring at the bird on his bed. How did it even get in here?

The bird gives him a look that's probably exactly what a glaring bird would look like. And then it _speaks._ "Well, good fucking morning to you too."

Patrick decides now is a pretty good time to start screaming again. 

"Whoa. Chill." The hawk says, and holy shit, Patrick knows that voice, it's _Pete_. What. 

Patrick lets out a squeak of surprise. "What the actual fuck... _Pete_?"

"No. Just your run-of-the-mill talking hawk." The hawk- _Pete_ -replies sarcastically. 

"I'm dreaming." Patrick announces. Do bassists normally turn into hawks? Is this a band-initiation thing that no one else told him about? No, he decides. He really does have to be dreaming. 

"Sorry, but no." Pete shakes his head (his _hawk_ head, what the fuck). 

Patrick groans, and just because he feels like it expresses his soul right now, he screams again. 

This time, Joe and Andy run in with worried looks on their faces. Joe takes one look at Pete, then raises an eyebrow at Patrick. 

"There's a bird on your bed." He says, giving Patrick a questioning look. 

"A hawk." Pete corrects him. "Plain old birds are boring."

Joe is the one that screams this time. 

Andy just sighs, like he's seen this one too many times and just wants it to be over already. "Patrick, there's a talking hawk on your bed."

"It's Pete." Patrick answers weakly, still trying to jump the mental hurdle of his own statement. 

"Huh." Andy's face gets this weird look that says he's thinking way too hard. 

"Oh my fucking god." Joe mutters. "This does _not_ usually happen."

"No, but it's actually pretty cool." Pete says. Leave it to Pete, the one who has _actually turned into a hawk_ , to take this better than pretty much anyone else (except Andy.)

"No, it's not cool, unless birds can also play bass by _tomorrow_." Patrick hisses out, finally sitting up off the floor. 

"I'm a _hawk_. But. Huh." Pete seems to be considering this. "Yeah, that's a bit of a problem."

"Does this happen to other bands?" Joe asks. "I bet it doesn't."

~*~

Turns out it does. 

They call up some other people, and find out that Frank was a crow for a week sometime in 2008, Brendon speaks happily about the one time he was a dove right after AFYCSO was released, and even Twenty One Pilots attests to it, saying that they _both_ turned into finches one time in the Vessel era. 

So, pretty much, Fall Out Boy has been left out so far. 

When asked how they fixed it, no one will give a straight answer. So now they're back at square one. 

"I'm prepared to just curl up and die at this point." Patrick mutters, putting down his phone after getting nothing more out of Tyler than "it's probably you". Like, what the fuck?

"Don't do that. We kind of need a singer." Pete says. He's perched himself on Patrick's shoulder, which Patrick thinks might make him look pretty badass, actually. Hawk on the shoulder? Cool. But Pete's talons are digging through Patrick's shirt and it's slightly painful. 

"Oh, I see how it is." Patrick rolls his eyes and speaks sarcastically. "You only want me for my voice, huh?"

Even though it's sarcastic, Pete still huffs. "No, it's because I _love_ you. So shut up."

"Mhm." Patrick mutters. It's not like Pete's never said that before. In fact, his mental tally may now be up to, like, one-hundred fifteen. 

Pete hunkers down a bit on his shoulder. "So basically, we're nowhere closer to fixing this."

Patrick sighs. "Sorry."

"Not your fault." Pete shakes his little hawk head again, and then nestles a bit into Patrick's neck. 

Patrick absentmindedly reaches up and strokes Pete's feathers a little. They're smooth and shiny brownish-red, speckled occasionally with black. 

They sit there like that for a while until Joe walks in and announces that they need to start being gay somewhere else, and Patrick shoots him a death glare, getting up and leaving with Pete still on his shoulder. 

He's determined to find out how to fix this. 

~*~

Patrick misses Pete. Which is dumb, because Pete's currently sitting on his shoulder again (he practically never leaves that position again), but Patrick still misses him. He misses Pete being, well...human. 

It's been a week, and they still aren't any closer to fixing this. They got a stand-in bassist for the four shows that Pete has missed, but that's hardly a permanent solution. 

Patrick hums a nondescript melody under his breath as he turns the page of his book. 

"Winston dies." Pete blurts out. 

Patrick turns his head and glares at him. "I'm literally five pages in."

"Oh." Pete mutters. "Well...now you know."

Patrick sighs and throws 1984 across the room. It thumps uselessly against a wall and falls to the ground. "Well. That's that, then. I'm officially bored with nothing to do."

"Sorry." Pete says. 

"No, no, it's fine." Patrick replies under his breath. 

"Good." Pete nestles into Patrick's neck again. Pete seems a bit too calm about this, Patrick thinks. 

Patrick really misses Pete being a _person_. More than he probably should. Why is it like that?

He wants to be able to hug him again, he decides. And maybe kiss him. 

Wait. Where did _that_ come from?

"Patrick? You okay?" Pete asks. He must've felt Patrick stiffen. 

"Mhm." Patrick nods. His mind is whirring, though. 

"Okay. I'm going to sleep now." Pete announces, snuggling back into Patrick's neck. 

Patrick's heart shouldn't be beating like this. 

"Okay." He forces out. 

His mind goes back to the one bit of information Tyler had given him over the phone. "It's probably you."

That couldn't mean...could it?

Isn't it worth a shot?

Pete is obviously already asleep, so Patrick turns his head to him. This is the only viable option at this point, which is really saying something. 

He kisses Pete on his little hawk beak (it's the closest thing to a mouth he can think off.)

And suddenly he has an armful of _human_ Pete sprawled across his body. 

He thanks any higher power that may exist that Pete somehow has clothes on. 

Pete blinks his eyes open. "Whoa. Wait, what?"

"Hi." Patrick breathes out, practically crushed by Pete's weight. 

Pete looks down at himself and then back at Patrick. "What did you do?"

"Well. I sort of." Patrick mutters. He is _not_ going to tell Pete. 

He tells Pete. 

"Kissed you." He squeaks out.

"What?" Pete asks, his brow creasing. 

"Uh. Kissed you." Patrick repeats awkwardly. 

Pete's eyes widen, then he breaks into a grin. "It's like the Princess and the Frog, but...the Prince and the Hawk?"

"I'm not a prince." Patrick says. 

"But it's like..." Pete grins. "True love's kiss?"

"Fuck off." Patrick says decisively, but he's grinning. 

"Never." Pete replies, and then kisses Patrick. 

Patrick grins. He's glad to have Pete back. 

~*~

"Dude. It was him. Ten bucks." Tyler holds out his hand. 

Josh frowns. "But...but it can't be!"

"Then explain why he texted me that it was." Tyler says, holding up his phone. 

Josh pulls out a ten and hands it over. "Damn it, Ty."

Tyler grins. "Wanna bet on who's next?"

Josh grins. "Twenty bucks says it's a straight person this time."

"Thirty says you're wrong and it's Troye." Tyler replies. 

"You're on." 

They shake on it.

**Author's Note:**

> stop me before I write more crack fics jfc


End file.
